"I'm beginning to suspect that the entire trouble with Steph, my inability to predict her included, is symptomatic of a problem with my original merge," he says.
"Self-hatred is a pretty alien concept to me," she says. "Shell Bell says that hers drives her up the wall with it sometimes, especially since she folded in Shell."
"...On a strict understanding of the word 'possible'," says Bella, "that is obviously false. You went without a soul and without the consequent self-loathing once."
"Yes, and then I merged my better half back in on the condition that the result keep his soul. With some leeway for the fact that he is more or less exactly a past version of me, if I go back on that I have essentially killed him. It's not my first choice."
"...There's that," acknowledges Bella. "Of course, your 'better half' also accepted the condition that the self-loathing was not supposed to be part of the package. If you keep that, then - pronouns are complicated, I trust you'll know what I mean - then he's essentially - emotionally crippled you in a way that was not part of the deal."
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"I am not sure that getting rid of it is possible," he says. "And I am relatedly not sure that trying to is wise."
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